Okay. I know that I live in the genteel South; a Yankee (even though my dad’s from the good ol’ North State) and a previously hapless Philadelphia fan (sports team, not city). I’ve been here long enough to know that the pace of life is a LOT slower — and safer.
But what firetruck has Will Bunch of the Philadelphia Daily News got up his firetruckin’ a-double-s? His column, “In our mind there’s nothing in Carolina” castigates Charlotte and the Carolinas, calling the Queen City “the city too easy to hate.”
Dude, you live in Philly! The city of brotherly muggings and drugs. To paraphrase from Trading Places, you’ve probably been stealing since you were born. Did the garbage strike happen again and they’re using your back yard to dump the refuse? Get off it!
Bunch writes:
This endless and soul-less NASCAR-hypnotized expanse of strip malls and Shoney’s finally got its pro franchise when the NFL finally ran out of real cities somewhere between Jacksonville, Fla., and Nashville, Tenn. However, there is one area where the Carolinas can lay claim to major league status: The self-righteous hypocrisy of its rogue’s gallery of unreformed segregationists and Bible-thumping con artists.
Bunch goes on to list the things to hate about Charlotte and lists a hypocrites gallery that includes, Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, Billy Graham, George Shinn, Jesse Helms (who everyone always brings up when talking about North Carolina) and Strom Thurmond.
Let me give you two words: Frank Rizzo.
Am I missing something or isn’t the FBI investigating the current Philly mayor right now? Oh, and isn’t the Vet, where the Eagles and Phillies recently played, a Superfund site? Bunch, the MOVE house is STILL burning!!!
Leonard Towes, the deceased former Eagles owner, still owes several Atlantic City casinos for his blackjack losses doesn’t he?
The first 20 minutes of your half-hour news is devoted to who died by murder, arson or accidents. The last 10 is weather.
The only reason the Sopranos isn’t based in Philadelphia is because the producers couldn’t scrape up enough money for payoffs to keep from sleeping with the fishes.
Jesse Helms? I’ll call with Phil Testa and raise you a “Little Nicky” Scarfo and Angelo Bruno.
Bunch writes about the Panthers’ felony raps: Fred Lane, Rae Carruth and Kerry Collins. No excuses here. You’re bound to get a few bad eggs in the basket sometime.
Oh, didn’t Charlie “Hustler” play for the Phillies? The man for whom the Hall’s bell will never toll? Was he placing bets on the Phillies on the city’s stock exchange?
Now, here in the Gate City, we are sometimes envious of Charlotte. We feel like we’re the stepsisters of the Carolinas. Well, Philly, and its Stepford wife Atlantic City, you can keep ‘em!
At least the streets here don’t smell like pee — from the 1700s!
Yes Mr. Bunch. F.U. to you too.