Which would have been a better story than the fact that, being old and hairy, I experienced quite a bit of hearing loss after swimming this past weekend.
I really thought I had water in my ear. If I pushed around the ear, it squeaked or squished. I used some drying medicine. Nothing. I used wax remover. Nothing.
Well, there was something to the wax, but apparently what I used didn’t have the industrial strength melting agent that was necessary to remove the grapefruit-sized waxy buildup it turned out I had.
Yeah, I know. Gross.
When I told the doctor I thought it was water, he said, nope, son. You’ve got a big ball of wax in your ear.
Two nurses showed up a few minutes later with a tray full of equipment. Ten minutes and half a reservoir full of warm water and hydrogen peroxide later, my hearing returned to normal. I lost count after the 10th time they stuck the syringe in my ear to try to sand-blasted the solid mass out of my ear.
The look on one of the nurse’s faces was classic: A hint of derision, with a taste of disgust as water and debris poured into the little cup. I will give it to them, though. They covered me up pretty well, so there was minimal contamination of my clothing.
One bonus: I had an infection in the other ear and my throat was red.