OK, the one everybody knows is, “Are you expecting?” or “When’s your baby due?” You never, NEVER ask this unless you know the woman is pregnant.
I’d like to offer another: “Are those your grandchildren?”
I get asked this about once a week. And granted, I am an older mom. And I have lots of white hair. I started getting white hair in my 20’s, like pretty much every member of my mom’s family. But do I really look THAT old?
I usually just smile and say, “No, they’re my children.” And some people, instead of being embarassed, follow up with this:
“Really?”
Uh, yes.
Some, unbelievably, even go a step further: “Adopted?”
OK, folks, lots more women in their late 30’s and early 40’s are having kids. So let me suggest an alternative:
“Are they yours?” This allows the person to either say, “Yes, aren’t they beautiful?” or “They’re my grandkids. Aren’t they beautiful?” Worst case scenario, you’ve flattered them, not insulted them.
So think about it. I was an avid fan of Mad Magazine’s “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions.” Don’t make me go there. Deal?
Comments 9
I always liked Dave Barry’s take on that first situation: “You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.”
Posted 28 Sep 2005 at 10:49 pm ¶I am not quick with responses. I have to have time to mull things over and the witty responses generally wake me up at 3:00 a.m.
But one standard response I’ve used to personal and/or stupid questions is, “$147.83.” The person will respond with a puzzled, “What?” To which I respond, “That’s what I owe on my Visa. If you’re going to ask me such a personal question, we’d better be close enough that you are willing to pay my bills.”
Posted 29 Sep 2005 at 7:19 am ¶Susie,
You DO NOT look like anyone’s grandparent! Your face looks very young. People just don’t think; they’re klunky! They just let what comes to mind also come out of their mouths like so much garbage. I do like jw’s response! It would make Mad magazine’s list in a heartbeat!
Posted 29 Sep 2005 at 7:38 am ¶It’s the white hair, believe me, I know…Don’t know why people are so hung up on white hair. You can take a 90 year old with dyed hair and wrinkles deep enough to drive a car in and some people will think they’re young as long as that hair is not white. I LOVE OUR WHITE HAIR!!!!!!
Posted 29 Sep 2005 at 9:06 am ¶Love jw’s response,too!
mom
AMEN to my Grams’ response (aka Merita), I love you white hair!!! I tell Grams every time I see her how beautiful her hair is!!!! There is nothing wrong with it. People are just stupid, I promise that I will make an effort to make my generation slightly less thick headed. I mean HELLO people!!!!!! Welcome to the year 2005!!!!
Posted 29 Sep 2005 at 10:43 pm ¶Having no hair can, for a man, produce the same effect. I’m 23 with a clean shaven head and facial hair. Occasionally I’ll wear glasses. And, I swear to God, anytime I walk into a Victoria’s Secret with my girlfriend ( who looks a little younger than she actually is) someone will ask me if I am there with my daughter.
Once one of the women who worked there ask me this and I gave her a pretty curt: “No.”
“oh,” she said, pushing her luck. “Your niece?”
“No.”
“Oh…” she said, turning and walking away slowly.
I felt like I should have been wearing a nametag.
“Hi. My name is Humbert Humbert.”
Posted 01 Oct 2005 at 4:12 pm ¶People can be amazingly clueless…and rude.
Posted 01 Oct 2005 at 10:18 pm ¶Ok, I’m a little behind, MOM! How’s my favorite waiter these days?
Posted 06 Oct 2005 at 11:43 pm ¶He’s a dead man, as you know. Actually, when Teresa and I finally lifted our moratorium on SL, he was nowhere to be seen. I like to think he got fired, but he’s probably just working at a different restaurant. Maybe he’s working his way steadily west, in search of the elusive woman who always ordered the diet Coke….
Posted 07 Oct 2005 at 8:59 pm ¶