I knew they were conspiring

Majority Of Parents Abuse Children, Children Report

The Onion

Majority Of Parents Abuse Children, Children Report

LOS ANGELES—"My parents force me to finish my math homework before letting me watch TV," admitted "Derek," 10, a study participant and abuse victim.

With Camille claiming she wants to be in Heaven because we don’t like her when we won’t let her wear spaghetti straps to school (against the rules) on a day when it’s 30 degrees, I thought this was also pretty appropo from the article, too:

“To hear the sadness in these kids’ voices when they talk about how they are scared—literally scared—to bring home poor report cards, is heartbreaking,” said Dr. Deirdre Fulton, child psychologist and director of the Nationwide Coalition to End Child Abuse, who co-authored the study. “Some of the children we interviewed even wished they were dead so their parents would feel guilty at their funerals.”

“No child should ever wish to die,” Fulton added.

Hat tip to our friend Kristin, who also has a pair of girls the same ages as our kids, for the note.

Update: This was pretty funny, too:

It documents abuses ranging from less severe offenses, such as children being denied snacks just before dinner, to more egregious, long-term cases of neglect, such as never ever getting what they want, ever.

Oh, and Susan wants me to assure you all that our daughter’s not suicidal. Just a wacky drama queen.

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