Ramblin’ Prose

Despite the fact that I’ve seen only a fraction of the nominated films, I’m returning to my tradition of liveblogging the Oscars. Let’s face it — the fun of the Oscars is in the clothes and the hair and the speeches. Plus, I’m convinced that half the voting Academy hasn’t seen the films either.

And after all, the peddling of uninformed opinions is what made America the country it is today.

So starting at 8:30, I’ll be posting. If you’re crazy enough to actually care what I have to say, just hit the reload/refresh button every now and then.

* * *

Could this red carpet show be any more banal? I’m actually grateful for the poor sound quality, though I’m sure the same can’t be said the the celebrities, some of who are having to scream at the top of their lungs to be heard over the shrieking crowd. But hey, some of them might literally be speechless if they win, which might be a good thing.

* * *

I am profoundly grateful that Regis Philbin is NOT hosting the Oscar telecast.

* * *

“Does this town need a hug?” Jon Stewart asks, referring to the bloody psychopathic killer lead characters that dominated many of the top movies.

I think the whole country needs a hug, Jon.

* * *

8:38, and we’re getting the first presenter. That has to be a record. My personal vote of thanks for no hideous opening production number. But here’s a question. If that woman can create these fabulous costumes, why is she wearing that dress and that horrible ’50s hairdo?

* * *

80 years of memories…and they actually chose some of the truly memorable ones. And it didn’t last 80 minutes!

* * *

Let’s hear it for the rat!

* * *

Somebody get Katherine Heigl a drink. Honey, you’re just presenting. Calm down.

* * *

Amy Adams is adorable, but that song just doesn’t work out of context. You have to see the roaches cleaning house to really appreciate its subversive cheer.

* * *

OK, the MasterCard eye commercial is just creepy.

* * *

Actually, I think “The Rock” might be the best visual effect. Don’t they call that plastination?

* * *

Nice film montage on Best Supporting Actor. Reminds you how many of the greats have taken the second tier statuette.

* * *

Javier! Javier! Who knew he had such a beautiful smile? And cool hair! And I adore him for 1) bringing his mother, and 2) speaking to her in their native tongue. You rock, Javier. Maybe I’ll stop having nightmares about you now.

* * *

Oscar salute to binoculars and periscopes…just brilliant.

* * *

(Pip, my faithful canine companion, is already sacked out on the couch.)

* * *

Owen Wilson, looking pretty good, but WAY too straight. It’s just scary when he’s not goofing around.

* * *

Who came after Tilda Swinton with the scissors? Or did she just pull the drapes off the wall on her way to the Kodiak Theater?

* * *

Those crazy Coen brothers prove that great writers aren’t always great speakers.

* * *

Mylie, sweetheart. Wear the wig next time.

* * *

And the nominees for worst movie hair: Javier Bardem’s chilling killer Anton Chigurh and Cate Blanchett’s Elizabeth.

* * *

Rene, honey. First, let’s talk about the hair. Do something.
And the dress. Nothing wrong with the design, but must you wear a color that makes you look the color of dishwater? If it were a cloudy day, you’d be invisible.

* * *

And the Oscar for best maternity dress goes to Nicole Kidman! Cate Blanchett’s blue satin number was nice, Jessica Alba’s plum dress with feathered bodice was stylin’, but Nicole knows you can’t go wrong in basic black. But lose the jewelry, babe. It’s overkill.

* * *

Whoa, fell asleep when the older geezer went off. I’m back.

* * *

Though I loved “Enchanted,” I can’t quibble with the selection of “Once.” Didn’t see the film, but that’s a beautiful song.

* * *

Hmm, can’t wait to hear the story behind someone actually being brought back to do their thank-you speech. They cut people off all the time. Bringing someone back is unprecedented.

* * *

OK, it’s 11:12 p.m., and the winners are getting incoherent.

* * *

I’ll say one thing for tonight’s Oscars. There have been more moments of true, unrestrained joy and surprise than I’ve seen in a long time on an awards show.

* * *

Daniel Day Lewis, still amazing. And cute.

* * *

The Coen brothers are back! Not much on speeches, but they’re whacked, and we’re all the richer for it.

That’s all, folks.